Loser
by Jyo-Chan
Summary: Life is unfair, and that was the bitter truth.


Life is unfair, and that was the bitter truth.

* * *

He couldn't say he didn't see it coming; he expected something like this to happen to him one day, but the thing is he _didn't_ see it coming.

It started with the feeling of light-headedness, like his head was off floating somewhere in the clouds while the rest of his body was earth-bound and unable to defy gravity. It didn't feel too bad, if anything, it was a bit of a welcoming distraction; and an interesting feeling to ponder over. But then they became frequent; too frequent for his liking and more often than not, he felt as if maybe this body wasn't even his own anymore.

_Roxas?_

No answer, of course, but he couldn't help but ponder it regardless.

"Sora?"

"Yes." He answered immediately, without much thought, and relished in hearing his own name being said, not someone else's like it used to be oh so long ago, but not really all that long ago.

Riku stared at the brunet through his bangs, with an expression that bordered on nonchalance and thoughtfulness; something that only Riku seemed capable of pulling off.

_That's not true._

Sora shook his head, and Riku raised his eyebrows at the odd gesture from Sora that seemed to come out of nowhere, though it was barely seen or noticeable through his long hair. "Is it…?" he trailed off; unable to finish the question, as if he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to bring it up, or if perhaps he was over-thinking it.

As if coming out of a daze, the brunet turned back to Riku and asked, "What did you say?"

And Riku, still uncertain if he even wants to talk about it, merely stalls, and eventually returned with, "Nothing."

Sora looked curious, but took Riku's word for it with a nod of the head and a simple, "Oh, ok."

The rest of the day went along normally, much like the others, though with the exception of a term paper that was expected to be handed in for grading in less than four weeks. Sora started getting a little light-headed again, but it was nobody's fault except maybe for the term paper.

* * *

He sort of expected something like this to happen to him one day, but he didn't think it would happen so soon, or so quickly; he was unprepared.

The next thing to follow the light-headed feeling was the feeling of restlessness, which is an odd combination but it still seemed to happen to him. Not necessarily at the same time, but it still happened too often for his liking. More than once, twice, thrice, the keyblades came to his summon, and though he couldn't recall ever thinking about them, he didn't mind the feel of them between his fingers again; it was an oddly missed feeling, it brought a feeling of anticipation and adrenaline; something that was severely lacking in this tiny little island.

"Planning to go off to battle without us, Sora?"

The brunet turned to the voice and grinned, "No, I just wanted to hold them again."

Riku smirked and harrumphed softly, "Typical Sora."

"Hey, how is that typical of me?" He returned, a little miffed at the comment.

"Just because." He offered as an answer and continued to smirk while dark fumes gathered in his hand and formed to a familiar sight.

This time, it was Sora's turn to smirk; a look that didn't quite seem to compliment his features, but still oddly fitted, like another piece of a different puzzle.

Nobody had to say anything, or do anything for something to start. They fought, they exchanged blows, and they quipped and jested just like they used to way back when, except the game wasn't entirely a game; it was a test of skills, something that Sora seemed to have misplaced.

Riku laughed as Sora fell back onto the sand, "Come on, Sora, I thought you were better than that!"

"Get real!" Something clicked in his head, "Look which one of us is winning!" He returned as he got back up onto his two feet.

It took two clicks for the both of them to realize something tingling in the air; a static-like feeling, a familiar feeling, a lot like déjà vu.

Sora was the first to react, looking confused and thoughtful with a hand pressed to his lips. "Huh, that was weird."

"What is?" The silver haired boy asked, even though he knew full well what was going on, but he just wanted to test the waters; not dive head first into it.

"Like we've had this conversation before."

Riku wasn't quite sure what to say; feign ignorance? Tell him the truth? Or play it off as what they used to do back in the day when everything was normal? There was a tension in the air, or perhaps that was just him, again.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Sora discovered the answer himself with a slow realization; a playback of a memory that didn't belong to him. "Ah, no, this happened to Roxas, didn't it?"

Riku didn't know whether he should answer that or not, because he knew in his heart that the methods he used to get Sora back would probably be something that Sora wouldn't be happy about, even if it was for his sake.

Blue eyes turned and looked into turquoise, and for a moment, Riku thought that he was staring into the eyes of Roxas, but that was impossible; Roxas is-

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

Riku blinked and found himself staring into eyes of the same blue, but of an entirely different person. He wondered if he was going crazy, but rather than say that out loud, he said instead, "No reason…I just thought…" He wasn't certain if it was a good idea to say it or not, because it seemed like a dangerous thing to say; like it might just come true.

"You thought what?" He asked curiously. And Riku noticed that Sora's keyblades have gone now, but his own was still gripped in his hand tightly, anxiously.

He kept his eyes focused on the brunet, cautious and just a little afraid as he said his next words, "I just thought that…maybe you were Roxas, that's all."

Then Sora laughed, "What're you talking about?" He asked rhetorically, "I'm me, no one else."

A part of Riku that had been tense since the beginning of the conversation suddenly grew slack at the brunet's smile, as if somebody finally let go of the tension in the ropes that had constricted him. He shook his head; there was no need to worry about Sora; he was more than capable of looking after himself.

He _did_ save the world/s before, after all.

But later on, when it's too dark and too late to go out to do any productive, Riku can't help but wonder if it was Sora that was saying it, or if it was Roxas influencing him in the end.

* * *

Lately, he hadn't been able to concentrate.

It wasn't just about the light-headedness, or the restlessness. But they were now joined with the feeling of absolute despondence, or perhaps he's just feeling tired, no thanks to that term paper that was due tomorrow. Even if he wanted to blame the paper, it still feels as though there's something that's missing and he can't quite figure out what, or maybe he knows what it is but it's not like he can actually do something about it.

_You're too late._

He frowned at the dizziness that seemed to come in waves and roll over him, never abating. The books strewn in front of him were a blur; he couldn't see anything, let alone read anything. He had a feeling that a fail was the only grade he was going to get out of this paper.

He sighed, and wondered how and when this started, and how and when it'll go away,_ if_ it would go away. He didn't know what to make of this…It was like his body, mind and soul were fighting against each other or against something and neither sides were winning or losing, but he was left to suffer the after-effects.

Sora shoved at his desk and pushed his feet along the floor to give the chair enough room for him to get off and out to somewhere that wasn't here. There was no point in doing the paper when he could barely register the words in his head and put it back down onto paper in his own words that he could barely string together. Everything felt murky and heavy, like he was being chained down and he was forcing his way through waist-high mud.

Even as he left the house and breathed in fresh air, it did little to satisfy him or free him of any burdens. He let out a breath, somewhere between a sigh and a huff, as though he was tired of everything and frustrated at everything, but decided that staying still would be even less helpful than walking off to the dairy.

Not even an ice cream was able to satisfy or calm him down. He felt completely out of his mind; not of his world. Why was this happening? Why this? Why now? Why?

_Why did he pick you?_

"Watch it!"

He gasped, barely had any time to register what was going on before he felt himself being dragged away and off the road.

Some words were being shouted from far away, and some more words were being shouted from somewhere closer, but all Sora could think of was, 'What just happened?'

Then the impossible happened.

The light-headedness was gone, replaced with a sharpness he hadn't felt in months, maybe even years. The restlessness was still there, more restless than ever. His heart was pounding madly, both at what almost nearly happened and what was happening now; he couldn't believe this.

"Geez, talk about bad timing." The man said, though whether that was directed at the car that was driving off or to Sora, he had no idea. It was probably a bit of both, "If you're going to walk around like a zombie and stop in the middle of crossing, then maybe you should go home and rest instead, you know?"

Stunned and completely and utterly breathless, for more than one reason, Sora couldn't help but just stare. The man didn't seem unnerved by the staring; probably took it as a sign of shock that, yes, he was almost run over. Instead, he gave the brunet a quick look-over for any physical hurts and when he saw that he had none, he gave a nod, a salute and walked off with an apologetic parting of, "Maybe a new ice cream would do you some good."

Sora was still stunned, was still in absolute shock, and it took him moments for him to realize that, yes, his ice cream is gone; run over, and, _no, he's walking away._

"Axel!" He called out breathlessly, and was momentarily confused when the dark haired man didn't take notice of the name, of his call.

Without prior thought, his legs started running, dashing, and it took barely four steps for him to reach the dark haired man and grab him by the elbow, "Axel!" He said again and stared into eyes that weren't even green but were a pale grey and blue instead.

The man looked confused, a bit worried and a bit put-off at the gesture; the over-friendly gesture. "No idea who you're talking about."

"But-" he stopped himself and wondered to himself why he was doing this; holding onto a man he barely knew and saying a name he hadn't said for many years. Another question going through his head was, 'Why?'

"You know, I have an appointment to get to, so uh…" he gestured to the hand on his elbow, "Do you mind?"

"Oh," he let go, feeling ashamed, embarrassed and disappointed as he looked down at his shoes, "Sorry…"

"It's ok, I guess." The man said and took one step away. Then another and another until he was satisfied that the kid wasn't going to come running and grab him again before he left; disappeared around a corner.

Even after the man was long gone, Sora remained rooted to his spot. There was a little voice in his head saying that his ice cream is also long gone; melted away in the middle of the road, but there was also another voice that seem to say, 'Hey…didn't that guy sort of, maybe, kinda look like…Axel?'

But, of course, it wasn't Axel; Axel's hair is longer than that, not a mess of short, _black _spikes that barely went past his ears. His face was lacking in his trademark _tattoos _and he didn't have that _look_. He shook his head to clear the thought away.

_Silly…_

A pain suddenly pierced through his heart and he winced, doubled over. The next thing to feel pain was his head; images that didn't belong to him played behind his eyes; flashes of a life that didn't belong to him, of conversations he never had; they made him quiver.

_Just because _you_ have a next life._

A bruised noise escaped his throat, and he felt beads of sweat trickle down his forehead, onto his nose and drip onto the concrete walk-way.

…_Just because _you_ have a next life._

He felt pain, he felt heartache, he felt something inside of him break, rip and tear itself to pieces in agony.

_Silly…just because _you_-_

He couldn't breathe; everything was falling apart. He couldn't see; his eyes screwed shut tight against the world. He couldn't feel anything that didn't belong to pain and suffering.

-_ because _you_ have a next life._

Just as quick as the pain came and surrounded him, the next instant it was gone. And Sora found that he could breathe again, he could think again, he could feel something resembling normalcy again. But the words continued to repeat in his head like a broken record.

_Silly…just because _you_ have a next life._

Sweat trickled down his cheeks, but as he kept on breathing air looking like he hadn't been able to breathe in years, he didn't bother to wipe them away. It wasn't until he felt his body cool down a little more that he realized that it wasn't sweat that was dripping off his chin and onto the floor; they were tears.

"Wha-?"

_What about _my_ next life?_

He didn't understand; couldn't understand, not really, anyway. But as he slowly calmed down, he remembered the ice cream he dropped. It was inedible, but still, he didn't want to leave rubbish lying around. And as he leaned down to pick it up from the melted, run down pile of sorbet, he noticed some words on the stick. Another part of him ached when the words registered in his mind.

_BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!_


End file.
